Confronting with Care (Hosea 13:4-8)
The Children of the Prophet
Hosea 13:4-8
“Confronting With Care”
INTRODUCTION:
What do you do when you have learned a family member is in sin? How do you deal with it? Let’s say that your husband is involved with pornography. Or your wife is addicted to drugs, perhaps it is prescription medication, but it is an addiction nevertheless. Or you have a child who is addicted to gambling. There are many behaviors that are addictive and there are many behaviors that are sinful. How do we handle it, what should our response be, when we find that sinful, addictive behavior in someone who is close to us, whom we love?
First, we need to recognize that everyone is addicted to sin in some form. There is “none who are righteous, no not one” (Rom. 3:23). Everybody has a sin problem. If you read the lists of sins in the NT, in Romans 1 or 1 Corinthians 6 or Galatians 5, you’ll find a sin in there somewhere that you commit, perhaps on a frequent basis. This fact does not mean that we should just ignore sin, since we’re all guilty anyway. No, not at all. But, what it does mean is that while we have to be loving and courageous in our confrontation, we need to temper that with humility and grace knowing that the person we confront could also confront us with our own sins.
Now, in an ideal world (as ideal as this world could get), then we are all lovingly, courageously, gracefully, and humbly confronting each other in our sins so that we can strengthen each other and help each other live more like Christ. That is the goal: to use God’s word as the standard by which we judge each other so we can help each other grow into the “fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13).
So, how do we deal with family in sin? To answer that question, I want to go back to the prophet Hosea so we can conclude our study of this minor prophet and so I can show you how relevant the OT is, in general, and the minor prophets, specifically.
I remind you that Hosea lived in the years before the exile in Assyria, around 722 B. C. God had told Hosea to marry a prostitute, a very odd command from the God of heaven. But, her behavior reflected the behavior of the nation of Israel, which is pictured as God’s wife. So, how do you handle a family member caught in sin? God’s wife is caught in sin so His reaction in Hosea is a pattern for our reactions today.
Remember, God told Hosea that he and his wife, Gomer, would have three children and each child would carry a name throughout their lives that would be a message to God’s people, Israel. “Jezreel” means that God is going to punish His people for shedding blood. “Lo-ruhamah” means that God will not have compassion on His people because of their sins. “Lo-ammi” means that Israel is no longer God’s people, not as long as they live in sin.
So, how do we deal with family in sin?
#1 - REAFFIRM YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER:
We are going to focus our study primarily in Hosea 10-14. First, we have to consistently reaffirm our love. Notice in 10:1 that God speaks positively of Israel and the blessings that were at her disposal.
Throughout the book of Hosea, God reaffirms His love for Israel, His jealousy for Israel. God was jealous for Israel because Israel needed to give God her ultimate and complete devotion. God deserved it and Israel owed her allegiance to God for all of His blessings given to her.
11:3-4; 12:6, 9; 14:8
So, as you begin the process of “confronting with love,” be sure and reaffirm your love for you spouse or your child in the strongest terms possible and why you are confronting him or her. If the member is a spouse, he or she owes you their highest allegiance, as far as human relationships are concerned. When we enter into the covenant of marriage, we swear an oath in the eyes of heaven that we will give to our spouse what we owe him or her (1 Cor. 7:3-4).
Of course, if the family member is a child, then explain to him or her the allegiance children owe their parents. Parents sacrifice time, energy, money, many times their own self-fulfillment, in order to provide for their children. It is done out of love, certainly, but thanksgiving on the part of the children should compel them to consider the feelings and thoughts of the parents.
Along with reaffirming your love, confront with the long-term in view. 10:12. You want your family member to be right with God first and foremost. To be right with God, they have to live according to His righteousness. You confront with that long-term view in mind.
#2 - CONFRONT THE SIN:
In 10:2, God says that Israel’s heart is “faithless” and they have to “bear their guilt.”
11:12; 12:11; 13:2
We absolutely must confront sin. If we love we will confront sin. Sin is not just against family members, against your husband or wife or parents or children - sin is against God. When Abimelech took Sarah, Abraham’s wife, to be his own wife, God appeared to him and said, “I am stopping you from sinning against me” (Gen. 20:6). God is telling Abimelech that his behavior is sin against God. Of course, sin is also against each other - the spouse, parent, or even child. In Hosea (4:2), the sins they were committing against each other were deception, murder, stealing, adultery, and bloodshed.
As a part of the confrontation, be sure and choose the right time to confront - 10:10. There is a good time and a bad time to confront sin. Doing so in public is usually not the best time to do it. Doing so in front of other family members, with your spouse, is not the best time either. Humans don’t like to be embarrassed so we will typically dig our heels in and defend ourselves if we have to “save face.” So, confront at the right time, likely in private. Gal. 6:1.
#3 - SHOW THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE SIN:
In 10:6, God explains that the idols Israel is worshiping is going to be carried into exile in Assyria and the nation of Israel itself will be “seized with shame,” Israel will be “ashamed of its own counsel.”
11:5-6; 12:14; 13:3
Listen to God as He describes the consequences of Israel’s sin on Him! 11:8
There are consequences to sin. People stop sinful behavior only when they see it is destructive. You have to explain the destructive consequences of the sinful behavior. You must explain how the behavior negatively impacts the person’s relationship with God, with you, with others. You may want to make a list, if not write a letter so the thoughts can be put down on paper and pondered by your family member. If you can’t verbalize the consequences, the destructive consequences, of the behavior, it’s likely that your family member is not going to see and admit the consequences. So, put some thought into it. And, just saying, “It is sin against God,” may not be enough. Truly, it ought to be enough, but it may not be. Show some immediate short-term consequences of the sin.
For Israel, it is exile in Assyria:10:7-8. Israel was going to fear God in a way that was bad; they would want to be hidden from the wrath of God!
10:13; 13:4-8, 16
#4 - SHOW THEM THE BENEFITS OF REPENTANCE:
In 11:1, Hosea reflects back on God calling Israel, His “son”, to come out of Egyptian slavery in order to worship God. God wanted to have a personal relationship with Israel, so He called them into the wilderness, out of Egypt, in order to have that relationship.
In 11:10-11, God tells Israel that if they repent of their sins, they’ll be restored to a healthy, happy, spiritual relationship with their God, the God of heaven.
When we confront, we need to use the “carrot and the stick” approach. We’ve talked about the “stick” - showing the consequences of sin. Now, we’re talking about the “carrot” approach - the benefits of repentance. When you make a list of the consequences of the sin, list corresponding benefits of the repentance. Sin causes relationships to be strained, even broken. Trust is broken. You want trust restored; that’s a part of the benefits of repentance. Humans want to be trusted. We can’t have healthy relationships if we can’t trust.
So, renewing trust is a benefit of repentance. A closer relationship with your family member is a benefit of repentance; sin puts a strain on that relationship. Remove the sin, you remove the strain. For example, wives, if your husband is addicted to pornography, you explain to him the consequences of that behavior. It affects your relationship; it affects that aspect of your relationship. You can’t compete with models in the movies or on the internet. But if he quits that behavior, if he empties himself of that behavior, then you can restore that trust and you can strengthen that aspect of your relationship in order to fulfill the needs that he has.
If repentance happens, thank your family member for it and thank God for it! 14:1-2. If repentance happens, do your best to treat your family member as if they had never committed such a sin - that, in fact, is the definition of forgiveness. 14:4-7
TWO FINAL THOUGHTS:
Last, but certainly not least, pray throughout the whole situation. Pray for your family member, for his/her strengths and for their weaknesses. Pray for your relationship, that it can stay together despite the strain the sin is putting on it. Pray for yourself. Pray and strengthen your own spiritual life; you must continue to grow and mature as a Christian yourself. If you are going to survive through the ordeal, your relationship with God is paramount - strengthen it every way you can.
And, remember, that even if your spouse or your child fails to repent and change his or her behavior, their life will not impact your spiritual destiny. Paul writes in 1 Cor. 3:15 that we might suffer loss, but we will be saved. And John promises us that there are no tears in heaven (Rev. 7:17).
Take home message: Confront with care, like God did Israel.