Honoring Marriage (Heb. 13:4)

February 9, 2025 in Uncategorized

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Honoring Marriage:
Hebrews 13:4

INTRODUCTION:
Last fall I was reading a book for missionaries to remind myself of some principles that might help me be an encouragement to Joshua Dykes. The book is titled Anthropological Insights for Missionaries by Paul Hiebert. Dr. Hiebert is not a member of the church of Christ; understand that. However, he is writing about visiting a mission point in Africa, where the nation Africans practice polygamy (pages 178-179).

He shares a conversation that happens between a pastor who is visiting the mission point and an African. The man said that his first wife mocked him for having only one wife; if a man were blessed and rich, he would have more than one wife. So polygamy is a status symbol in that culture.

In that Protestant church - and the text does not say which it is - the first wife is the only one in that church who is allowed to take Communion. The husband, whose name was Omodo, responded:

“Yes, she told the missionary how hard it was for her to share her love for me with another woman. According to the church my wives are considered sinless because each of them has only one husband. I, the father, am the only sinner in our family. Since the Lord’s Supper is not given to sinners, I am excluded from it. Do you understand that, pastor?” But the preacher was confused.

Omodo continued: “Well, the pastor prays that I may not continue to commit the sin of polygamy. My wives pray that I may not commit the sin of divorce. I wonder whose prayers are heard first.”

The preacher then asked, “So your wives are afraid that you become a Christian?”

Omodo replied, “They are afraid that I become a ‘church member.’ Let’s put it that way. For me there is a difference. You see they [meaning his wives] can only have intimate relations with me as long as I do not belong to the church. In the moment that I would become a church member their marriage relations with me would become sinful.”

The preacher said, “Wouldn’t you like to become a church member?”

Omodo said, “Pastor, don’t lead me into temptation! How can I become a church member, if it means to disobey Christ? Christ forbade divorce, but not polygamy. The church forbids polygamy but demands divorce. How can I become a church member, if I want to be a Christian? For me, there is only one way, to be a Christian without the church.”

If you are a little bit confused, it’s understandable. When man leaves God’s pattern for the home and tries to define morality in his own terms, man will always make a mess of things. It is far better and far easier, even if it is sometimes more difficult, to do what God through the Bible tells us to do.

GOD CREATED MARRIAGE:
In the beginning, God created the home. “The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Gen. 2:22-25).

As we often hear it said, In the beginning God created marriage: one man + one woman for life.

God created home and He created marriage. Marriage is not a cultural ritual that was created and designed by man. Marriage comes from the heart of God. So all marriages, not just Christian marriages, are a gift from God, if they fit God’s definition of a biblical marriage.

God allowed man to develop his own marriage laws and rituals, some of which, of course, conflict with God’s laws: Genesis 12:18; 20:9-10; 26:10.

When the time came for God to give Israel the Law of Moses at Mount Sinai, God strictly regulated their marriages and their sexual behavior.

When Jesus Christ came, He gave a law, His New Covenant, to all mankind and everyone is accountable to Christ’s law, whether they are Jew or Gentile. There are still man’s laws, but I think we all know that man’s laws and rituals are subservient to the law of Christ (Acts 5:29).

But sometimes marriages do not go right. Sometimes they fail. What happens when they fail? What does Jesus and the Holy Spirit have to say about that? I want to now present the truth on divorce and remarriage in the form of questions and answers…

CAN I GET A DIVORCE?
Jesus answers that question: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery” (Luke 16:18). Let me use some names here so that it might help you understand what Jesus is saying, “If Adam divorces Eve and marries another, he commits adultery, and he who marries Eve commits adultery.

Notice two things about this text:

1) Jesus is talking to the Pharisees; so He is not giving a law that is just intended for His disciples.
2) First, “everyone” is the Greek word “all.” That is universal; both Jews and Gentiles. Christians and non-christians.
3) “Commits adultery” is in the present tense. In Colossians 3:5-7, the Holy Spirit says that it is sinful to “live in fornication.” Since adultery is a form of fornication, then the Holy Sprit is telling mankind that we cannot live in adultery with God’s approval.

Remember that the Holy Spirit says “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:17).

CAN I THEN GET REMARRIED?
Please recognize that getting a divorce and getting remarried are two different questions.

The Holy Spirit answers that question, right? Let the Holy Spirit speak: “The wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Cor. 7:10–11). Let’s put names to this scenario. The Holy Spirit says, Eve should not leave Adam (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to Adam), and Adam should not divorce Eve. If one gets a divorce, there are two options:

1) Remain unmarried.
2) Be reconciled to your first spouse.

CAN A WOMAN INITIATE A DIVORCE?
Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery” (Mk 10:11–12). Please observe here that the context shows that a woman might initiate a divorce. That was not a common practice under neither the Jewish nor Roman culture. But, it is far more common today of course.

So, if Adam divorces Eve and marries another woman, Adam is committing adultery against Eve. And if Eve herself divorces Adam and marries another man, she is committing or “living in" adultery.

DOES THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP LAST FOREVER, THEN?
No, the Holy Spirit says, “So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man” (Romans 7:2-3).

To paraphrase Paul, “If, while Adam is living, Eve is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if Adam dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.” That is the Holy Spirit’s law for both Jews and Gentiles.

WHAT IF HE VIOLATES HIS COVENANT (ENGAGES IN SEXUAL UNFAITHFULNESS) IN THE MARRIAGE?
Jesus is not ambiguous when it comes to the question of remarrying. Jesus gives one exception to the “You cannot remarry” commandment: unless your spouse committed sexual immorality: Matthew 5:32; 19:9.

First, we observe Matthew 5:32:

“everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

I wish again to point out these points:
1) Jesus is addressing everyone - in fact 7:28 says that the crowds were listening to Him gladly. So Jesus is not giving a commandment to just His disciples.
2) To paraphrase, Jesus says, “If Adam divorces Eve, except for the reason of sexual immorality, he makes her commit adultery [present tense - “live in adultery”], and whoever marries Eve commits adultery or “lives in adultery.”
3) The only way a divorced person can remarry and not be “living in adultery,” is if his or her spouse was guilty of sexual immorality. Then the innocent person can remarry.

Finally, I want us to listen to the words of the Lord Jesus in Matthew 19. In this text, the Pharisees ask Jesus about the law of marriage from the Law of Moses. Remember I just pointed out that there were three “laws” on marriage and divorce under the OT times:

1) God’s law from the Garden of Eden - one man + one woman for life (NO divorce).
2) Man’s law, which must be submitted to God’s law.
3) The law of Moses. The Pharisees were asking about the Law of Moses.

And Jesus quotes in verse 5 the text from Genesis 2:24 and He follows that up with the words in verse 6 where He essentially says, “Ok. No divorce no more: What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

But the Pharisees respond to Jesus with a quotation from Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and Jesus essentially says, “Guys. You are missing the point. Let me draw a picture for you…

“whoever [both Jew and Gentile, Christian and non-Christian] divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery [lives in adultery].”

Once more, we point out these items:

1) Jesus is not talking to His disciples as if His commandment only applied to followers of Jesus. He is addressing Pharisees.
2) The comment “whoever” is universal - Jews and Gentiles / Christians and non-Christians.
3) If Adam divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman, Adam is living in adultery.

IF ONE IS LIVING IN ADULTERY, WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT?
This is not hard to understand either, since “repentance” means:

1) Feeling sorry for violating Christ’s commandments and offending His holiness.
2) Changing one’s mind about violating His commandments and offending His holiness.
3) Changing one’s behavior so that he or she is no longer violating His commandments and offending His holiness.

Let me illustrate this point by once again paraphrasing Jesus’ comment in Matthew 19:9 but using some synonyms for “fornication or adultery.” Pay attention…

A principle of biblical interpretation is to take a synonym, or what you think is a synonym, for a biblical word and insert that synonym in place of the biblical word and see if the text makes sense. For example, if we do this with “sprinkling” for “baptism,” we will see that baptism in the NT is not sprinkling, but it must be immersion. Now, let’s do that with this text…

“whoever divorces his wife, and marries another man commits homosexuality.” If someone is living in homosexuality, what can be done about it? Clearly baptism for the forgiveness of sins does not make a homosexual marriage into a biblical marriage. One has to get out of that relationship if he or she is going to be right with God. It does not matter here if the marriage is legal by man’s definition of marriage. God says it is sinful and the relationship has to stop.

Let’s try it again… In 2022, a woman named Deborah Hodges (age 49) married her cat so that the cat could not get evicted from Deborah’s home.

“whoever divorces his wife, and marries a cat commits bestiality.” If someone is living in bestiality, what can be done about it? Clearly baptism for the forgiveness of sins does not make a feline marriage into a biblical marriage. One has to get out of that relationship if he or she is going to be right with God. It does not matter here if the marriage is legal by man’s definition of marriage. God says it is sinful and the relationship has to stop.

Now, let’s be consistent and agree that God does not treat adultery differently than He treats other sexual sins. All sexual sins are unique, the Holy Spirit says, because sexual sins are sins against the body (1 Cor. 6:18); this is the only reason that our Lord allows remarriage following one’s spouse ganging in sexual sins.

“whoever [both Jew and Gentile, Christian and non-Christian] divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery [lives in adultery].” How do you stop living in fornication? You get out of that relationship. If someone is living in adultery, what can be done about it? Baptism for the forgiveness of sins does not make an adulterous marriage into a biblical marriage. One has to get out of that relationship if he or she is going to be right with God. It does not matter here if the marriage is legal by man’s definition of marriage. God says it is sinful and the relationship has to stop.

THE EXAMPLE OF HEROD:
Once again I point out that up until Jesus gave one law for all mankind - Jew & Gentile; Christian and non-Christian - there were three laws on marriage, divorce, and remarriage:

John the baptizer rebuked King Herod because he had married his “brother’s wife” (Luke 3:19). There is no indication in this text or any where else that all King Herod had to do was just be baptized and everything would be okay. In fact, it is in the context of John telling people what they had to do to “bear fruits in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8).

Observe in the text that even though King Herod had “married” Herodias, God still considered her the “brother’s wife.” Even if King Herod had been baptized, Herodias would still have been his “brother’s wife.” Baptism would not change the marriage relationship. Herod needed to get out of that relationship in order to be right with God.

Now, let me ask this question, under which law did John condemn Herod’s marriage?

1) God’s law from the Garden of Eden - one man + one woman for life (NO divorce).
2) Man’s law, which must be submitted to God’s law. But, according to the Jewish historian Josephus (Antiquities; 18.5.1-4), both Herod and Herodias were legally divorced from their first spouses.
3) The law of Moses. But King Herod was not a Jew; he was Edomite. So he was not under the Law of Moses anyway.

John condemned King Herod, not under Roman law nor Jewish law, but under the law that God had set into force in the Garden of Eden and the law which Jesus replaces into His New Covenant for all people of all time, every where. I do not think that Herod beheaded John the baptized because John was telling Herod that if he would be baptized, he could keep living with Herodias!

Every verse of Scripture all comes from Christ’s heart. This is Jesus and the Holy Spirit teaching us how to live to please Him.

Take home message: We need to respect the relationship of marriage and honor it as God intended. Every Valentine’s Day should remind us that we need to do all we can to make sure our marriages are all they can be.