Digging for Diamonds

Digging for Diamonds

INTRODUCTION:

Thomas Edison was known for his patience and perseverance. He worked nonstop, day and night on the electric light bulb. When he finally reached the breakthrough, late one evening, the light went on. It worked! He rushed upstairs to tell his sleeping wife.

Her response? “Tom, would you please turn out the light and come to bed?”

Have you ever felt like you were not appreciated? Do you feel like your spouse does not appreciate you like he / she should? Do you show your spouse the appreciate he or she deserves and needs?

Valentine’s Day is Thursday and I try to have a couple-oriented lesson for Valentine’s Day. This one is on showing appreciation for our spouse and to our spouse. I know sometimes, Rachel gets annoyed with me because I don’t get as excited about things happening in her life as she would like me to be. In fact, it seems like sometimes my excitement is inversely proportional to her excitement! The more excited she gets, the less emotional I get. I don’t know why that is!

But, feeling appreciated is deeply and fundamentally important to our mental and emotional health and to our relationships. People have to feel appreciated. Mark Twain once commented, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” We all need to be appreciated and valued. It’s what keeps us going. Expressions of appreciation to others help us feel good about who we are.

Some of the most powerful words in Scripture are those of appreciation and gratitude. Take a look at 2 Samuel 9:3-7 for just a moment:

“The king said, “Is there not yet anyone of the house of Saul to whom I may show the kindness of God?” And Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan who is crippled in both feet.” So the king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “Behold, he is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel in Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, from Lo-debar. Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan the son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and prostrated himself. And David said, “Mephibosheth.” And he said, “Here is your servant!” David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will surely show kindness to you for the sake of your father Jonathan, and will restore to you all the land of your grandfather Saul; and you shall eat at my table regularly.”

Jonathan, of course, was David’s very dear, very best friend. His dad, King Saul, was one of David’s self-appointed enemies. David did not hate Saul but Saul hated David. Mephibosheth was Jonathan’s son. Saul and Jonathan had been in battle against the Philistines and they were defeated and killed. When the news reached the household of Jonathan, in fear the nurse snatched up baby Mephibosheth and ran but in the process, the baby fell and broke or injured his feet and it made him crippled for the rest of his life. But David shows appreciation to his deceased friend, Jonathan, by taking care of Mephibosheth for the rest of David’s life.

STRONG FAMILIES / COUPLES SHOW APPRECIATION:

South Africa is the source of a large portion of the diamond trade. Workers have to sift through thousands of tons of rock and dirt looking for a few tiny diamonds. What they find will more than compensate them for their time and energy. We do not need to be the ones who search for dirt. It is easy to find dirt. Spiritual maturity calls on us to look for the diamonds. One man was an “absent-minded professor” type. He often forgot birthdays and such like. But there were ways he showed his love. He came across some special rolls, kiefels, in a bakery. They were hard to find and he knew his wife loved them so he bought them. When husbands forget, it isn’t necessarily because they don’t love.

Take a look at Psalm 27:1-4:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident. One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord And to meditate in His temple.”

Do you see how David expresses his appreciation? He verbalizes it and he goes to worship.

There is such a thing as “self-fulfilling prophecy” when you basically get out of life what you expect. If you are constantly looking for the negative, you will find it, for sure. But that is a dismal path of life to walk. What you look for will come true. If you search for the bad in members of your family, your spouse, you will find it. But if you look for the good in your family, you’ll find that too.

Let’s read Luke 15:20-24:

“So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. “And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.”

This is, of course, the story of the prodigal son. I’m going to have three sermons on the parable of the prodigal son later this year, a sermon focused on each of the three characters in the story.

What is so moving about the father’s expression of affection for his son? Everything the father does in this paragraph is motivated out of his compassion for his son. He does not talk about anything negative. The father does not bring up the wasted inheritance, the time wasted, the fact the son was living with pigs, wanting to eat pig food.

What does the father do? He runs. He embraces his son. He kisses his son. When the son confessed his sin, the father practically ignores that. He certainly does not accept the idea that his son is somehow less than a son. He treats the son with honor, respect, and dignity: Bring the best robe! Put it on the son! Put a ring on his hand! Put sandals on his feet! Bring the fatted calf and kill it! Let us eat and celebrate! My son was dead and has come to life again! He was lost and has been found! “They began to celebrate.”

The dad focused on showing appreciation for what he had in front of him, not moaning over what he lost.

ENCOURAGE APPRECIATION AND AFFECTION:

Let us bring this discussion home to our marriage relationships as well as all our friendships.

A couple were newlywed and early on, the husband was good about remembering special dates. But after the 3rd anniversary, he forgot. The wife cried all night. Over the following years, the husband forgot many of their special dates. But a friend made an intelligent suggestion: She should point out the dates approaching, ahead of time. The wife did that, with a touch of humor, and it helped considerably.

I’m not defending husbands forgetting anniversary dates. Husbands should do all they can to remember those dates and do things for their wives that wives enjoy. But what I am encouraging is that we do not let negative experiences and unfulfilled expectations define our relationships. To keep that from happening, we must focus on the positive and express and show our appreciation for our spouse on a regular basis.

Let’s read Luke 17:11-17:

“While He was on the way to Jerusalem, He was passing between Samaria and Galilee. As He entered a village, ten leprous men who stood at a distance met Him; and they raised their voices, saying, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” When He saw them, He said to them, “Go and show yourselves to the priests.” And as they were going, they were cleansed. Now one of them, when he saw that he had been healed, turned back, glorifying God with a loud voice, and he fell on his face at His feet, giving thanks to Him. And he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But the nine—where are they? “Was no one found who returned to give glory to God, except this foreigner?” And He said to him, “Stand up and go; your faith has made you well.”

What makes this event so unusual? The expression of appreciation came from the unexpected source. “He was a Samaritan.” Our appreciation might not come from an unexpected source. Spouses ought to express appreciation on a regular basis. But appreciation might come at unexpected times. If our spouse expects a negative response, let’s surprise them and show appreciation for them instead. Children need to be taught to show appreciation too. It is heart-warming to hear my family say “thank you” when we go out to eat.

Let’s read John 19:25-27:

“Therefore, the soldiers did these things. But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.”

How does Jesus show a final affection for His mother? He puts her into the hands of one of His closest disciples, the one disciple who, apparently, outlived all the other apostles of Christ. Maybe Jesus knew that when He said this. The point is, though, that Jesus shows His appreciation for His mom by providing for her in her old age.

Some folks grow up in families where little appreciation was shown. If that was the case with you, I’m sorry you haven’t heard “thank you” very often. Things were just expected. Some people just aren’t accustomed to hugs, pats on the back, words of encouragement. Others grow up knowing only criticism. I have a friend in Kentucky who was told by his dad that he would never amount to anything. I could not imagine saying that to anyone, much less my own child! There is tremendous potential in every single human being and I’m trying to encourage us to express appreciation to our spouses for every single good thing they do.

Looking for the good in each family member and expressing it builds self-confidence, self-esteem, and it strengthens the relationship. Let’s sift through the dirt and look for diamonds.

Let’s look at one more passage: 2 Timothy 1:2-5:

“To Timothy, my beloved son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day, longing to see you, even as I recall your tears, so that I may be filled with joy. For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.”

What does Paul say here to express his appreciation of Timothy? He tells him that he prays for him constantly night and day. He tells him that he longs to see him. He tells him that he appreciates Timothy’s affection for Paul, his “tears.” A visit with Timothy would fill Paul with joy. Paul acknowledges the sincere faith in Timothy and Paul also compliments Timothy’s mom and grandma. My point is there are lots of ways for us to show our appreciation to our spouse. We just need to do it.

SUGGESTION:

Try “reframing” your thinking about a particular situation. Many faults we see in others are positive qualities that might have been taken to an extreme. For example, a spouse who is stingy might be thrifty, but to an extreme. Is your child loud and out of control, or is he enthusiastic?

Instead of looking at the girls going through the “terrible twos,” Rachel and I reframed our thinking and called it the “terrific twos” as we simply saw them as trying to experience new things and wanting to do things on their own. It is a matter of reorienting your thinking. Certainly enthusiasm in kids needs to be controlled; kids need to be taught to control their behavior and a tightwad might need to loosen up the grip. But we can view that individual differently when we change the way we think about our spouse.

Spendthrift - wastes money Generous?
Talks too much - chatters Likes to share?
Domineering - bossy Shows leadership?
Always into things - messy Curious?
Nitpicking - critical Attentive to detail?
Interfering - meddlesome Interested; Concerned?

Take home message: We will strengthen our marriages and other relationships if we will practice looking for the positive and expressing appreciation for the good in others.